May has tested my relationship with ambition. I have been working working working because of this promotion. I went into this month fully intending to do this job at 100%. It has taken everything out of me.
Even in the Year of Big Possible my month’s intention was in service of professional ambition. I needed to decompress from work. I needed to feel better after work.
That wasn’t the point of Big Possible.
I didn’t take this on this project to cope with stress. I didn’t take on this project hoping to squeeze in some me-time after a day that was taken over by the way I make money. (To be very clear, I love my job and hanging out with kids all day is FUN)
But here is where I look at the direction of my ambition. I had a conversation with my dear friend Bronwyn about this. She is traveling through the United States in her van. She told me there’s a disparity between the way most people see her and the reality of her life. She is busy and productive. Contact juggling, wire wrapping, writing poetry, playing the mandolin. Moving alone through the country and supporting herself on her artwork. Bronwyn is ambitious.
She is ambitious in a way we aren’t taught to be. Creatively, Spiritually, Emotionally. No power suit required.
My grand final act of care in May is making “care” a lifestyle instead of an appointment. To restructure my day and my priorities to allow space for growth. For inward-reaching ambition. For art. For mind. For Self.
In June I intend to honor the validity of my spiritual, creative and emotional ambitions.