Joy of Duality

We are going on ten months since leaving Baltimore. I’m thinking about how absolutely normal it is to be here. Most nights when I’m driving home from work I feel aware of the duality. Being here is so completely foreign to me, and now, also so completely familiar at the same time.

Every staple of my life has been twisted on it’s axis. My diet. My work. My mobility.  My time. The one constant is Jon. At this point we have spent a third of our relationship traveling or living away from the place we met and lived together. Who we are here isn’t novel anymore. Our closets are full of teaching clothes. Our motorcycles are parked in the driveway. We have house plants. I think of the person I was when we met in meditation class in Mt. Vernon. I don't know if I would recognize us.

The other duality is the itch to move and the joy of staying put. Hanoi is a good place to be. Easy to live and thrive. Easy to save and plan. I’m also homesick in a nice way almost all the time. I think about what’s next. What there is to work towards next.

Half of this month’s intention is about wanting to feel resonance and connection here. Working on my Vietnamese makes it easier and easier to be here. I feel less and less like an outsider everyday.

The other half of October’s intention is fuelling big plans. A commitment to asana every day is helping me find the pieces of my life that travel wherever I go. Yoga belongs to every part of my life. It’s how I met Jon. It’s where I’ll go next. It’s the collaborations and work I will do with my mother. It’s India in the spring.

All of this is being shaped by challenging my relationship with Facebook. I feel like I got some really important perspective by going cold turkey in September. The real balancing act started this month as I started to navigate how to use it, but use it differently than I ever have before. As much as I have focused on Vietnamese and Asana in October, I have also been working to construct a different way of relating to social media. It’s opening up so much dead time and exposing ways I sabotage creativity and mindfulness.

More pen to paper. More meditation. More reading. More presence. More patience.

And it’s imperfect. I still drink too much beer and sit on couch for a third consecutive episode of The Office. Just less.

Buying an alarm clock is life changing. (no more bedside charging) So is ‘Killing my newsfeed.” And not moving through my day with the goal of contributing to my empire I’d built out of my facebook profile. It was strange to travel in Cambodia and take pictures that wouldn’t end up online immediately.

What I’m doing for the first time this month is starting my day with the same ritual on my patio. Meditation, then a page in my journal of things I’m grateful for, then surya namaskar A 5 times. 10 months of daily ‘something’ and it’s now that its happening first thing in the morning.